did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
