i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
