You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We need to get me chipped asap
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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