nut hugger
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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