it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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