I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
