Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize