3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
