Where is the hickey?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
