She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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