none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
