Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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