hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
