Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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