even my farts smell like vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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