Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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