i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
