Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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