ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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