Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
