Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
