dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
