After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
