You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
