Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
