he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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