your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
