I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
