i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
