In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
