I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
