he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
