Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
