Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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