When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
