i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
