I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
