...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
