census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
