sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
