I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
