I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
