i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
