The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
