Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize