i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You pole danced in your parka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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