dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
