he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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