At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
