oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
