I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
