I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
