i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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