JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
