i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
