I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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