Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize