did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
