I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
