i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
