Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
where are my eyebrows?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
