How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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