I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
