Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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