I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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