About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
