btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
