Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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