Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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