I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are a genius and a whore.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
