Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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