We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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