I feel like I'm in dance class right now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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