he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize