Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
