I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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